The Veil Movie Review

Thirty years after a charismatic cult leader convinced his followers to kill themselves, a survivor returns to the scene of the horror with a documentary crew.
I somewhat expected this to be a stereotypical horror movie but the story is actually quite intriguing. Yes, much of the acting falls flat and most of the action sequences are extremely cheesy but it does raise a lot of deep spiritual/philosophical questions.
I won’t comment much on Jessica Alba’s performance. She… did an okay job.
If you like movies about cults you might enjoy this but don’t expect anything groundbreaking.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give The Veil 5 tamales! 😎

Dog Eat Dog Movie Review

Ex-cons, Troy (Nicolas Cage), Mad Dog (Willem Dafoe) and Diesel (Christopher Matthew Cook), are hired by an eccentric mob boss to kidnap a baby and hold it for a large ransom. When the abduction goes awry, the men find themselves on the run from the mob and the cops. Vowing to stay out of prison at all costs, getting away with the crime is a matter of life and death.
The first half of this movie is pretty decent and mildly entertaining. Unfortunately, the story goes to shit after the halfway point.
Nicolas Cage does not give a convincing performance nor does it look like he even tried. Willem Dafoe definitely gives the best performance throughout the entire movie but even that isn’t enough to polish this turd of a movie.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Dog Eat Dog 5 tamales! 😎

Nerdland Movie Review

A struggling actor (Paul Rudd) and his screenwriting roommate (Patton Oswalt) embark on an attention-grabbing journey through Los Angeles to become famous.
I came across the trailer for Nerdland a week ago and decided that it seemed funny enough to rent. Boy, was I right!
Not only is it funny but it’s also pretty weird. The kind of weird that borders on genius.
Make no mistake… this animated movie is NOT for the eyes of children. I repeat… it’s NOT FOR THE EYES OF CHILDREN!
Though, I’m pretty sure a large percentage of kids have already seen this movie.
If you like hilariously weird animated movies then you might enjoy watching Nerdland.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give it 8 spicy tamales! 😎

Big Movie Review

After a wish turns 12-year-old Josh Baskin (David Moscow) into a 30-year-old man (Tom Hanks), he heads to New York City and gets a low-level job at MacMillen Toy Company. A chance encounter with the owner (Robert Loggia) of the company leads to a promotion testing new toys. Soon a fellow employee, Susan Lawrence (Elizabeth Perkins), takes a romantic interest in Josh. However, the pressure of living as an adult begins to overwhelm him, and he longs to return to his simple, former life as a boy.
This was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid… and it still is to this day!
Tom Hanks really gave this role his all and it ultimately helped launch his career.
I still don’t know if Zoltar actually grants wishes or not but I guess that’s part of what makes this movie so magical.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Big 9 tamales! 😎

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children Movie Review

When his beloved grandfather leaves Jake clues to a mystery that spans different worlds and times, he finds a magical place known as Miss Peregrine’s School for Peculiar Children. But the mystery and danger deepen as he gets to know the residents and learns about their special powers – and their terrifying enemies. Ultimately, Jake discovers that only his own special peculiarity can save his new friends. Based on the novel “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children,” written by Ransom Riggs.
I did not like this movie but that might be because I read the book before watching it. Still, I believe that even if I hadn’t read the book I still wouldn’t have liked the movie.
Way too many details have been altered and condensed in order to make the story slightly more palatable.
I don’t want to sound like a book snob but the book is definitely better.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children 6 tamales! 😎

Don’t Breathe Movie Review

Rocky (Jane Levy), Alex and Money are three Detroit thieves who get their kicks by breaking into the houses of wealthy people. Money gets word about a blind veteran who won a major cash settlement following the death of his only child. Figuring he’s an easy target, the trio invades the man’s secluded home in an abandoned neighborhood. Finding themselves trapped inside, the young intruders must fight for their lives after making a shocking discovery about their supposedly helpless victim.
This isn’t your typical gory horror movie. It’s actually more of a psychological thriller with horror overtones… and I like that.
I mean, I’ve grown tired of the horror genre over the years. Most horror movies tend to be copycat versions of each other but every once in a while one of them will try something a little different that helps set them apart from the rest. Don’t Breathe does just that.
The entire cast gives pretty decent performances and the ending isn’t too surprising but it does leave the story open to a possible sequel.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Don’t Breathe 8 tasty tamales! 😎

Remember Movie Review

With help from a fellow Holocaust survivor (Martin Landau), a widower (Christopher Plummer) who struggles with memory loss embarks on a cross-country odyssey to find the former Nazi responsible for the deaths of their family members. 
I knew very little about this movie before watching it… and it blew me away!
Christopher Plummer gives an extremely compelling performance and Martin Landau is nothing short of excellent. 
The story itself is so cleverly written that it had me believing I knew how it would end but then… BAM! Major plot twist! 
Unfortunately, I can’t go into further detail without spoiling the whole movie but I guarantee this movie will intrigue and surprise you!
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give Remember 9 tasty tamales! 😎

Morgan Movie Review

Morgan (Anya Taylor-Joy) is a bioengineered child who began walking and talking after one month of existence, exceeding the wildest expectations of her creators. When Morgan attacks one of her handlers, a corporate troubleshooter (Kate Mara) visits the remote, top-secret facility where she’s kept to assess the risks of keeping her alive. When the girl breaks free and starts running amok, the staff members find themselves in a dangerous lockdown with an unpredictable and violent synthetic human.
For the most part… this movie is an intriguing scifi thriller. Unfortunately, the bulk of the action occurs much too soon and seems somewhat forced. 
Kate Mara gives the most interesting performance but probably because her character has the biggest secret.
If you like intriguing scifi movies that aren’t bogged down by too many details then I recommend watching Morgan. 
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give it 7 tamales! 😎

The Free World Movie Review

Released from prison for a crime he didn’t commit, a man (Boyd Holbrook) goes on the run with a woman (Elisabeth Moss) who’s suspected of killing her abusive husband.
I rented this movie after watching the trailer and I’m glad I did because it’s a very well written heartwrenching story about two genuinely good people who just want to overcome their streak of bad luck.
Boyd Holbrook and Elisabeth Moss give superb performances. I really empathized with their characters and wanted them to have a truly happy ending. 
Of course, the ending isn’t quite so happy but it’s not entirely sad either. 
If you like movies with a well written story and superb acting then I highly recommend watching The Free World.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give it 8 tamales! 😎

John Wick 2 Movie Review

Legendary hitman John Wick is forced back out of retirement by a former associate plotting to seize control of a shadowy international assassins’ guild. Bound by a blood oath to help him, John travels to Rome where he squares off against some of the world’s deadliest killers.
I really enjoyed the first John Wick movie and I enjoyed the sequel even more!
In chapter two, he faces off against even more bad guys and assassins. I attempted to keep a kill shot headcount but I lost track around number 24.
Keanu Reeves is nothing short of superb. The rest of the cast follows suit.
The story itself becomes a little more complex but builds up to an interesting cliff hanger ending. I don’t know when part three will be released but I definitely look forward to watching it!
If you like movies with a lot of intense action scenes then I highly recommend watching John Wick Chapter 2.
On a scale of 1 tamale to 10 tamales I give it 9 tasty tamales! 😎